This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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