The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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