It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
