Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
