i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
