I just cut my nipple shaving
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
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there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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