I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Did I show you my penis last night?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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