We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
It's rum buckets o'clock
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
