the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
