the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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