Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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