It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
