i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
