Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
