Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
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