u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
