her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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