trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
high people should be assigned attendants
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Come on in and take your pants off
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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