take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
