I just threw up on my dentist
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Can I color on your dick again?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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