And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Randomize
