I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
