My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
