How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Randomize
