the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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