im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Randomize
