I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
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What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
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