The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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