i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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