They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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