don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
