Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
