I don't remember. Are we still dating?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
