There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
