We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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