Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
