It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
