He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
