I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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