Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
