I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize
