Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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