it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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