Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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