my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
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She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
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I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
FUCK WHALES
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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