I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
