my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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