There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
