Im at strip club and am horny
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
