i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
