I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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