Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
