I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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