Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
