porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize