so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
