She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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