he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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