I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
