i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
