I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
