Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Houston, we have a blender
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
