I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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