If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
