Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
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