my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
