So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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