Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
