Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
