WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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