I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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