It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I haven't been this sober since birth.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
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you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
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You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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