While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
