we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
